Oh what to do... [Wall of text incoming]
Hey gang, haven't been here in forever! (If any of you remember me)

Well... I love dogs. I don't have a dog. I'm not sure if I should have a dog.

I had a lot more to say before i started typing this.

So I hadn't planned on getting a dog any time soon, because I was planning on getting a Border Collie and didn't feel like my life was ready for it. I don't live alone and my mom isn't the cooperating type when it comes to animals... It seems to me that she's always got something to prove and doesn't listen to me when I say what should be done. Which is fine enough for her own dogs, but even if I'm wrong, consistency is the most important thing here so I just wrote off getting a dog until I moved out.

Alright, well. Again, she's not the most responsible so we have puppies and I've never really gotten attached to any of them in the past. They're small, yappy dogs and I'm not a fan.

But there's the one now... That has like burrowed into my heart and it it hurts. She's quiet, calm, sturdy built. She looks like a freaking husky until you realize how small she is. She acts and moves like a big dog but in a tiny package.

I'm not quite a germophobe but I do wash my hands before using my computer. For all the years there have been dogs, I've rarely touched them, preferring to keep my hands clean. But with this girl, every time I see her I can't stop myself from getting on the floor and playing with her.

What is this infection.

So I've been tousling with the idea of keeping her. Because when I hold her my heart feels funny in a way it hasn't felt in years touching a dog (Actually the husky in my old avatar that I rehomed) and that's where I don't know what to do.

Okay, so I'm a really emotional and empathetic person. Which makes spending time with people and having responsibilities exhausting. I might appear on the outside to not have any emotions at all, but it's really just because they're too much and I have to just ignore them if I wanna get anything done.

But I like being alone. Because I can unwind, relax, and just be me.

Well, I had her in my room for a bit just to kinda see how it'd go (Also a first, I have a strict no dogs allowed policy in my room) and, well it was only about an hour and she was anxious and so was I. When I let her out I felt a huge calm come over me because she was no longer my responsibility and I could relax and focus on my work.

I know that's not a lot to base it off of. If she was used to being in here and I was used to her it would be easier.

But I just don't know. I don't like routine. I constantly think about the future and whenever I find myself falling into a routine I panic because I start envisioning myself in an endless loop for the remainder of my natural born days and so I kinda break the routine for that.

The only routines I've been able to keep up are: Eating/drinking, brushing my teeth (After two root-canals) and only just within the last 4 years or so: bathing regularly, but even with that I'll skip days just so my life doesn't start feeling like a broken record.

I know dogs need routine.

I know I don't need a dog. It's only my emotions that make me want her, but it's also my emotions that make me not want her, plus the logic that I might not be cut out to own a dog. Not now, maybe not ever.

Maybe I could do it, maybe I could get a crate for her to sleep in at night (So I could ease SOME nerves and fall asleep) and walk her (A day that _I_ don't walk 3 hours for is a bad day for me) and mostly keep her in here with me and not so much in the rest of the house, so the interactions with mom could be more controlled, it could work? I'm unemployed/trying to start a software company, so I'm always in my room.

But then I just become a ball of anxiety and the idea of just never getting a dog seems like an oasis from this panicky world of doing things. But I know I have some anxiety issues and anxiety is irrational. Maybe I would be happier. Maybe she would be the best thing for me.

The problem is that, as I have stated above, I'm extremely emotional. To the point that I've had to learn to just ignore my emotions and rely completely on logic for any decision that has any weight. And this works great! My ability to see things coming and make good decisions is, pretty damn good compared to most people's, if I do say so myself.

But the major problem is that you cannot make all your decisions in life rationally. We're not rational beings. So when it comes to decisions that logic fails me for, I'm at a complete loss.

I'm really tempted to just say no and move on with my life. It would certainly be easier. But would I be happier? Like I said, this pup has stolen my heart like few dogs have ever been able to do. I know that, if I ever decide to get a dog in the future, I'll regret letting her go.

I like her because she's independent (She's also approx: 5 months old, so maybe this is just a phase???), she seems to prefer to just stare and think rather than bark. Her bark isn't shrill, it's fairly low pitch and low volume, it's kind of cute, actually. And she's like the most gorgeous baby ever so...

To give a perspective on how bad my emotions are, writing this post and thinking about this whole thing has made me kinda sick to my stomach. 4320

I mean at some point I decided that it would just be a lot more appealing to just find a person to live with. Because I'm an independent/introverted kind of person, and it's easier for a person to deal with that than a dog. It's easier to find someone else like me and live with them and at least I don't have to worry about feeding a human. Except that it's really, really hard to actually find a person that you're compatible with and, unlike with dogs, you can't just make it happen. So my loneliness has left me thinking maybe I should just get a dog... I've come full circle.

Maybe I'm not cut out for a dog. Maybe I'm just making excuses for my anxiety. Maybe I should just pull the trigger and let your imagination determine what that euphemism I just used means. Maybe I'm just overthinking it and it's not THAT big of a deal?

Also this will be the first time I've written a forum post without proof-reading since I was... 10? This is just a vent post and you can't draft a vent post. If it seems a bit scattered, it's because that's what my brain is doing, lol.

This is the most raw TreyRust you can find!

Send help.
Time, Money, Motivation; Pick any two.
Welcome back. Action-smiley-030

Decisions............... Sometimes even the smallest can seem like monumental decisions. Like what socks should I wear. Blink IMO you decision is a little more complex because it is a lifelong decision.

Give the pup a chance to share some time with you. You might find the little one brings out a different side of you. Some times stepping out of out comfort zone is what we need.

Good luck with your decision. Good to see you again.

One Border Collie Is Never Enough

[Image: P1160337-800x600_zps7nxqmgvy.jpg]

Hello! Action-smiley-030

First off, I think you need a deep breath. Relax a little, close your eyes and take a few big ones. IMO we have emotions for a reason and trying to completely block them out all the time isn't natural. Sure there are times and places where emotions aren't needed as much but that's besides the point. What I'm trying to say is this time go with your heart. If you really feel a bond then, like OB suggested, spend some time with the pup. I think the nervousness will die down one you two get to know each other a little more. Taking care of her will become less of a bothersome necessity and more of a I want to do what's best for my best buddy. She'll be there whenever you're feeling down, distressed or otherwise unhappy. She'll be there to enjoy the good times and happiness with you as well. She'll stay with you trough it all.

Obviously I can't make the decision for you. Whatever you decide in the end should be supported. I wish you the best of luck in making this decision! Hope you can find some help/comfort in these words...
Hi Trey. Welcome back. I think in this case, you can afford to take this one day at a time and see where it leads you. Try the crate in your room. Try taking the pup for walks and doing some training. If it doesn't work for you, then the pup is no worse off than it was before. It can still go to a new home and you will have given it a try, so you will have a better idea if a dog is right for you.
Gotta love 'em.
Thanks for the support everyone.

I should've known what a bunch of BC people would suggest, ya'll'r crazy!

only-borders,'index.php?page=Thread&postID=193938#post193938 Wrote:Some times stepping out of out comfort zone is what we need.

I sincerely doubt it's possible to have much fulfillment in life without stepping outside of our comfort zone... But it's hard Sad

Anyways, I ended up ordering a crate, leash/collar, treats and some toys... If it works it works and if it doesn't, it doesn't. I shouldn't be making this a bigger deal than it really is. We'll see how it goes.

I'll keep you guys updated.

Time, Money, Motivation; Pick any two.

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